I apologise about my absence after a post on my tropical Holliday I didn't know what to post as I am unsure as to which direction I want this blog to go in and if we're being honest in didn't have another surreal beautiful holiday to share with you all as like who can afford that so whatever it was to be is a let down haha.
Over the past week I have been questioning my future in particular now so more than ever. I mean I have always wondered and brainstormed what I was to be when I grew up. When I was five it was a fairy. When I was seven a princess. Ten a teacher. And now that I am almost seventeen and at a crucial stage in my life where I make the stressful life determining decision I have nothing. No clue as to what I want to be.
Over the past week I was asked to fill out my subjects for school next year which here in New Zealand starts in late January early February, I sat in front of my computer screen to fill out my subject choices with a blank expression. My school is technologically very advanced so everything is digital these days. I sat with complete reluctance. The only subject choices I filled in willingly were level three English and biology. The rest I did not want to choose. Through this situation I realised that I do not want to return to school next year. I have never enjoyed school very much and as a child fake sick days was a weekly thing as I struggle with anxiety and in general I disliked school very much though I was never particularly terrible in school. I always got decent grades. I just disliked the regimented days, busy hallways and the inescapable social situations so returning to school has never been easy for me and now that I have the choice whether to return again it's made me avoid going back as much as possible.
I am considering cropping out. The only issue about dropping out of school is that I am unsure as to what I want to do. I wanted to be an international flight attendant as I love to travel but I am 2.5cm to short as well as being to young. This realisation of my dwarf ness preventing me from being a flight attendant was rather disappointing as you can imagine. I could still grow but being to young means I would have to return to school next year or take up a job until then but what if I am still to short or it don't make standards then I do not have university entrance as I left school to early and am stuck as to career choices. I then brainstormed ideas such as makeup artistry but realised I can't even draw without making it look like a death scene let alone drawing on somebody though I do love makeup I don't think I really have a knack for it. I then thought of being a youtuber but the 0.05% chance of ever making it in the youtube industry and the fear of camera as well as the lack of equipment needed held me back from that aspiration. I am still stuck for ideas. Making life decisions at seveteen is far to difficult and I wish they tested us like on divergent at the age of 12 and told us based on personality, traits, likes, dislikes and skills they told you a career path to partake on. That would make this a heck of a lot easier.
Anyway I apoligise for the less exciting blog post! Next week I am posting my hair car routine so be excited for that and don't forget to follow and comment.
Thank you for the support